coming

into a bit of an epiphany,

so today i realized that i realllllly want to go and get my septum pierced.
i'm so tired of thinking about it, i really just want to go out and do it!

ya its in the middle in my face, but its discreet and tiny and i can hide it.
i'm a bit bored with myself and need a change,
my mom is full force against me getting it
she rather me pierce my belly button or lip before my septum
i guess its too 'satanic' for her

but this is my body and my temple! i do as i please, and i rrrrreally want a septum piercing
other things that of course factor into this is money
i'm broke, no job.
tiff offered to lend me the money till i can pay her back,
and i know i deff can and will eventually pay her back..

my best thinking is done in the shower, by the time i get to sit in front of my here good friend desktop, everything is gone. everything everything everything everything todo!
then i sit and sulk in my salted-ness.

but anyways, ya.
i dont want to be one of those people sitting in their rocking chair at the nursing home, regretting. and wishing to go back in time. to live a bit more free, and do things that i really wanted to do.

#2 the school situation also factors into all of this..
i haven't decided for sure if i'm going to go to Lesley University
i've already been accepted got my letter in the mail a couple of days ago
and am solid on some of the merit scholarships i'm getting like;
the urban scholarship- for attending a public/charter school in Boston.
the dean's scholarship- for being an awesome kiddo, and having a high GPA
those two alone secure me a good 22 grand... but this escuela is expensive! ai
and me and my family are broke! i rather start working full-time at mcdonalds starting September than jump into school, not be able to pay for it, drop out, and still end up in debt.
THIS shit is what i have to be cautious about.

but back to my point. i haven't gotten my financial aid package from Lesley yet, keepin me from saying that i will deff be attending Lesley in the fall.
so i'm not even sure if i'm going to school yet.
what if i end up going to an interview for another school like Lasell which i'm really interested in also, and because of something so stoopid and irrelevant (septum piercing) i end up getting rejected and nada.

so we'll see how things unveil themselves.
my guidance counselor did talk to my admissions counselor at Lesley who said my financial package is lookin 'realllly good'. BUTTTTT really good to them could be like 10,000. i need a full ride, i'm poor god dammit! gimme gimme $$$

lets see lets see lets seeeeeeeeee.
i might end up doing it this week and if i don't, i guess i'll just have to let it die until further notice.....
:/