9/12/09
i'm a basket case
forever changing
always moving in a unknown direction, i need a sense of some direction
------------------------------------------------------------------------
classes started this week and i love it all too much
i simply wish i could just spend some more time on campus with the others
commuting sucks so bad but i need to begin to get over that fact fast.
i've made a couple of loves already: checkers is my number one buddy.
leanne the compulsive liar i love that is rarely around :/
mabel who's usually around towneee
yasmeen that for some reason i love to be around. we are complete opposites but i really enjoy her company :)
benny my lovely dominican girl descending directly from PR that i love to be around
and scottttt from new yorkkk, haven't had much time with him since hes AIB but we have a cool friendshippp that i see unfolding, nothing else though :)
and to many more friends that i hope to make as the year progresses!<3333
i also really hope to make me a boyfranddd ;) i think its been quite a while, and at this point in my life, a relationship i feel i would really cherish having and sharing.. but i'm not going to force myself to take the first thing i see in desperation. i can control myself. i wish i could say the same for other girlies as well
tomorrow, well today, i begin working at the Huntington! yay, i'm excited.. lets all hope all goes well :D
i love being in this happy place...
i just really wish my mom would begin to feel better too :(
always moving in a unknown direction, i need a sense of some direction
------------------------------------------------------------------------
classes started this week and i love it all too much
i simply wish i could just spend some more time on campus with the others
commuting sucks so bad but i need to begin to get over that fact fast.
i've made a couple of loves already: checkers is my number one buddy.
leanne the compulsive liar i love that is rarely around :/
mabel who's usually around towneee
yasmeen that for some reason i love to be around. we are complete opposites but i really enjoy her company :)
benny my lovely dominican girl descending directly from PR that i love to be around
and scottttt from new yorkkk, haven't had much time with him since hes AIB but we have a cool friendshippp that i see unfolding, nothing else though :)
and to many more friends that i hope to make as the year progresses!<3333
i also really hope to make me a boyfranddd ;) i think its been quite a while, and at this point in my life, a relationship i feel i would really cherish having and sharing.. but i'm not going to force myself to take the first thing i see in desperation. i can control myself. i wish i could say the same for other girlies as well
tomorrow, well today, i begin working at the Huntington! yay, i'm excited.. lets all hope all goes well :D
i love being in this happy place...
i just really wish my mom would begin to feel better too :(
9/1/09
OMFG
IT'S FUCKING SEPTEMBER. IT JUST HIT ME! AHHHHHHHHHHHH
this month is going to be like no other, i start COLLEGE for the first time! (LESLEY UNIVERSITY W00T) i start my newwww job at the BU theatre, i'm turning 19! My high school graduation is tomorrow! and i have to deliver a speech since i'm graduating at the top of my class ;) so much shit. wow this is really happening. i don't even know how to feel. i want to cry right now from just pure bliss, i can feel a lump in my throat just thinking about it all. i feel like puking with anxiousness. i want to screammmmmmmmmm at the top of my lungs with excitement! (excuse me while i sound as cliche as everrr, but) i guess i'm as ready as i'll ever be. let's just hope this world is ready for what i've got to bring :D
this month is going to be like no other, i start COLLEGE for the first time! (LESLEY UNIVERSITY W00T) i start my newwww job at the BU theatre, i'm turning 19! My high school graduation is tomorrow! and i have to deliver a speech since i'm graduating at the top of my class ;) so much shit. wow this is really happening. i don't even know how to feel. i want to cry right now from just pure bliss, i can feel a lump in my throat just thinking about it all. i feel like puking with anxiousness. i want to screammmmmmmmmm at the top of my lungs with excitement! (excuse me while i sound as cliche as everrr, but) i guess i'm as ready as i'll ever be. let's just hope this world is ready for what i've got to bring :D
8/31/09
dream,
i had this dream a couple of days ago that i keep on thinking about..
i don't want to tell the whole thing but i was pregnant with triplets and ended up aborting them because it was around this time (the end of summer) and i was finally about to start college in the fall, and success in college with 3 kids is nearly impossible. so my mom gave me a illegal abortion pill that she got from DR and i aborted them. all three of my babies, afterwards i was sooo sad. i killed my babies. ian, ellenor, and maya.
:(
i don't want to tell the whole thing but i was pregnant with triplets and ended up aborting them because it was around this time (the end of summer) and i was finally about to start college in the fall, and success in college with 3 kids is nearly impossible. so my mom gave me a illegal abortion pill that she got from DR and i aborted them. all three of my babies, afterwards i was sooo sad. i killed my babies. ian, ellenor, and maya.
:(
8/19/09
lol
so i've obviously been meaning to write to you my love.
but of course, by the time i get to sit here, i get distracted by that devil box or such other thingsssss.
an update is what i'll get to in a second, but what really brought me here just now was some good ol shower thinking. i honestly can't wait for the year 2099 when you can have a virtual memory pad installed in your brain, and without having to lift a finger or tear out a piece of paper i can just jott down some notes and save them in my head. don't get me wrong here, i love doing some things the old fashion way such as snail-mail. but i read somewhere once that lefties have worse memory than righties and i definitley apply to this. i hate fogetting what i had in mind, the perfect sentance, perfect comeback ready to be launched and in a split second its forgotten forever. GOD i hate that... but not to get off track here (hehe) i was in the shower and thinking of what friends i will make when my closest ones begin to leave this week, next week, by the fall is starting to freak me out. i'm sure i'll make awesome lifetime friends in college but who? i hate the fact that i'm so judgmental! so critical, and so very quick to not give a person a chance. i remember not too long ago reading some horoscope of mine and it just about described my likes for friendships+relationships to a teeee. it said something like: in friendships you look for people that are polar opposites of you, but in relationships you look for someone that relates a lot to you. it's so true! me and my bestie that's heading off to miami for college on sunday is my COMPLETE opposite! from the guys we like, to the food we eat, to the way we dress, to the way we think, how we act, everythingggg. except for our race and age. that's about it that was similar between us. for a boyfrandddd i look for someone that listens to the same music as me, has somewhat similar life goals, dresses in a more edgy way etc. i don't know, and if you know me you know that i really hate not knowing what lies ahead. although i do try to take on a passive aggressive type of attitude on life and such things..
so now! on to whats been happening in my life in these past two or so months. to sum it up, A LOT! but to break it down........ I am going to Lesley University!!! I am a lot more excited when i quickly think about it, but sitting and over-thinking it scares me. The money situation is pretty much figured out. I am fully covered, and have no financial worries... as i will be commuting to Cambridge from my home in Roxbury. I went to orientation in late June and had a blast to be quite honest. I loved the upper class-men, they really got us all physced for whats to come, and i highly highly highly am anticipating it all. so no worries, I am officially a college student and expect nothing but hard work from myself. 09/09/09 is the day i will start classes. also, after being rejected by 3/4 scholarships i applied for, one great little corporation called Madison Park saw what only a few people see in me and awarded me a $3,000 scholarship that i will be getting every year. also, i got another scholarship from them that i plan on blowing on misc. things such as a well deserved digital camera for myself :D i also got a part time job working at the BU theater on Huntington ave. I wish i started working this summer, but this is probably one of the most recent things that has happend for me so i won't be starting until early September.
but of course, by the time i get to sit here, i get distracted by that devil box or such other thingsssss.
an update is what i'll get to in a second, but what really brought me here just now was some good ol shower thinking. i honestly can't wait for the year 2099 when you can have a virtual memory pad installed in your brain, and without having to lift a finger or tear out a piece of paper i can just jott down some notes and save them in my head. don't get me wrong here, i love doing some things the old fashion way such as snail-mail. but i read somewhere once that lefties have worse memory than righties and i definitley apply to this. i hate fogetting what i had in mind, the perfect sentance, perfect comeback ready to be launched and in a split second its forgotten forever. GOD i hate that... but not to get off track here (hehe) i was in the shower and thinking of what friends i will make when my closest ones begin to leave this week, next week, by the fall is starting to freak me out. i'm sure i'll make awesome lifetime friends in college but who? i hate the fact that i'm so judgmental! so critical, and so very quick to not give a person a chance. i remember not too long ago reading some horoscope of mine and it just about described my likes for friendships+relationships to a teeee. it said something like: in friendships you look for people that are polar opposites of you, but in relationships you look for someone that relates a lot to you. it's so true! me and my bestie that's heading off to miami for college on sunday is my COMPLETE opposite! from the guys we like, to the food we eat, to the way we dress, to the way we think, how we act, everythingggg. except for our race and age. that's about it that was similar between us. for a boyfrandddd i look for someone that listens to the same music as me, has somewhat similar life goals, dresses in a more edgy way etc. i don't know, and if you know me you know that i really hate not knowing what lies ahead. although i do try to take on a passive aggressive type of attitude on life and such things..
so now! on to whats been happening in my life in these past two or so months. to sum it up, A LOT! but to break it down........ I am going to Lesley University!!! I am a lot more excited when i quickly think about it, but sitting and over-thinking it scares me. The money situation is pretty much figured out. I am fully covered, and have no financial worries... as i will be commuting to Cambridge from my home in Roxbury. I went to orientation in late June and had a blast to be quite honest. I loved the upper class-men, they really got us all physced for whats to come, and i highly highly highly am anticipating it all. so no worries, I am officially a college student and expect nothing but hard work from myself. 09/09/09 is the day i will start classes. also, after being rejected by 3/4 scholarships i applied for, one great little corporation called Madison Park saw what only a few people see in me and awarded me a $3,000 scholarship that i will be getting every year. also, i got another scholarship from them that i plan on blowing on misc. things such as a well deserved digital camera for myself :D i also got a part time job working at the BU theater on Huntington ave. I wish i started working this summer, but this is probably one of the most recent things that has happend for me so i won't be starting until early September.
OHHH! and in a previous blog posting i wrote about wanting to get this hereeee septum piercing did and
blam! the day i went with kiki to allston, mass to get err did :) i'm happy with it despite my loving mothers disapproval.
so ya, a lot has taken place in my life this summer as unexciting as i have found the months of july and august to be. i guess this really will be a summer to remember. i'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible but i guess i'm expecting too much? there's 21 days till another HUGE chapter of my life begins, 3 weeks exactly. ahhhhhhhhhh
well, who knows when next time will be till i post another note up. but i promise to try and keep it up, writing is really important to me and really is my biggest and most therapeutic outlet to airing my feelings, thoughts, and life to an unknown crowd.
-Stefanie<3
blam! the day i went with kiki to allston, mass to get err did :) i'm happy with it despite my loving mothers disapproval.so ya, a lot has taken place in my life this summer as unexciting as i have found the months of july and august to be. i guess this really will be a summer to remember. i'm trying to enjoy it as much as possible but i guess i'm expecting too much? there's 21 days till another HUGE chapter of my life begins, 3 weeks exactly. ahhhhhhhhhh
well, who knows when next time will be till i post another note up. but i promise to try and keep it up, writing is really important to me and really is my biggest and most therapeutic outlet to airing my feelings, thoughts, and life to an unknown crowd.
-Stefanie<3
6/16/09
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