shenanigans

[that last post was kinda unecessary, but never the less, another one]

so yes,
the internet is finally back on at homeeeeeeee.
i've been back to overusing/abusing facebook/myspace
it kinda pisses me off when i'm there forever! looking at nonsense
but whatever, i know how to control myself after a session of ridiculousness!

so life. lets see......
everything with my friends is back to good terms.
thanks to last week i initiated meeting up and talking out our problems
senior year is just a stoopid time to let go of friends
its just the last stretchhhhhhhhhhh!

recently i've felt so disconnected to humanity and i guess life in general its weird
and i am just getting sick of it.
honestly i really think i just need to get out more
this week has been finals week, and i pretty much have only had to come in to school for about a hour or two.. then i'm free
although the weather has been shitty, i just run off home, go to sleep, wake up feel like shit
the day is already over
i start cleaning, and regretting my day
get online, watch some tv, take a shower, eat.
back to sleep.

everything just sucks
especially feeling so disconnected
its weird, i wish i could explain it better
but i barely have a clear understanding myself

i really need to get shit off my chest. 'the truth will set you free' :D
right??? RIGHT??!?!
geezus.
i also feel like i've been holding back a lot
with everything and everyone
the thing that happened with my friends definitely scarred our relationship
and everything's just been kinda weird/awkward
i know i dished out my share of shit talking
said some things that i regret.. but whatevs!

i dunno.
tomorrow seems like its going to be a long day
i have one last final to take for the second trimester
everything else i've passed
and even with these great accomplishments..its just like.
eh, whatever
finishing up my college application process
same thing goes.

i'm letting the littlest things get to me
anything really.
i'm just a mess.
and way to vulnerable at this period in time.
i need to start opening up..
but to who?
this SUCKS.
fuck it, i dont need nobody.
'specially not you.
"I don't need anyone
Don't need no mom and dad
Don't need no pretty face
Don't need no human race
I got some news for you
Don't even need you too"

i guess we'll just have to wait and see for whats to follow.
it really feels like i've LOST myself
and really, whats worse than that?
right... nothing!
i need to get a good ol fuckin GRIP of myself.
your fineeeeeee, just motherfucking DANDY! so whats the deal-o???

time to hop off this 'virtual world of complete BULLSHIT.'
and get back to the reality of shiteous truth.
:(